Not Just Behind Closed Doors: What Youth Experience Deserves Attention

In my previous job, I served as a sexuality educator and trainer. I was assigned program requests from schools and community organizations that requested an educator like me to speak with students and youth on various topics, including healthy relationships, consent, and boundaries. In my experiences as an educator, consent was one of those topics that kept reoccurring in my program offerings to school-aged youth. On the day of my program, I was excited and had the nervous energy that comes with a pending program. Upon signing in at the school's main office, I was given a nametag and directed to the classroom where I was supposed to present. Keep in mind that it was not uncommon for me to arrive during a class period change. During these transitions, there are any number of events- teachers preparing for the next class, school staff directing students to their next location, students moving in an urgent melee to their next scheduled period. There were many opportunities to witness a lot of action in the hallways. As I walked the hallways and stairwells, I surveyed the many actions of the students. These actions included students of the same and different genders not keeping their hands off one another, someone receiving unwanted attention and not saying anything, or worse, someone receiving unwanted attention leading to a shouting match and shoving in the hallway. And not in a seemingly playful way, either. If their actions were brought to their attention, the students would either disperse quickly or laugh it off as if it were not serious. 

If I were asked to present on consent to my class, I would tell the class of my observations before seeing them. The class' response: "That is what we do miss. It's not a big deal. It happens all the time. It doesn't mean anything." However, I knew better. Being in front of a classroom allowed me to observe non-verbal communication amongst the class. And I don't mean the few students who were either not paying attention, sleeping, or trying to complete an assignment for another class. Sometimes, there was a student or two that looked visibly uncomfortable. Then, I knew it meant something to someone in that room. Maybe that student was in that situation (or knew someone who did) but did not want to challenge it or did not know how to. What do the more vocal youth say when they feel their boundaries are violated but do not know the difference? What do nonvocal youth say when they feel enough is enough? Do they feel comfortable enough to advocate for themselves? Or do they feel they will be met with reprisal if they do? How does every youth foster a healthy sense of consensual behavior that they can use in platonic, familial, and romantic settings? How do they comprehend the basics of wanted vs. unwanted touch and bodily autonomy, which can lead to more informed decision-making as a growing individual? 

That propelled me to curate and write our newest activity guide- Voice & Choice: Embracing Boundaries and Consent. As a survivor, I was part of a group that felt unheard and voiceless. This 10-session curriculum allows caring adults to facilitate and discuss consent, boundaries, advocacy, and bodily autonomy with their youth Circle groups. Acknowledging unwanted behaviors and fostering connections is how we can take one step further into dispelling and eradicating societal norms that feed into rape and assault culture. Rape and assault culture can be minimized by increasing consent culture. Voice & Choice offers a nonjudgmental youth development approach to fostering teen awareness of boundaries and consent. The activity guide contains essential tools and resources facilitators can use to promote healthier relationships, boundaries, and autonomy for youth. This is especially important when teens navigate different social scenarios and relationships during adolescence. By increasing awareness of consent and boundaries, youth can have more significant outcomes, connections, and personal agency when it comes to their personal feelings regarding boundaries, sexuality, and relationships. The cover of Voice & Choice shows a bird in a nest, which symbolizes one's ability to be free to fly independently and make informed choices, but not without establishing boundaries and confidence before taking the first leap. Join us in increasing awareness and autonomy for youth because that is what Voice & Choice seeks to do.